im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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