he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
