My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize