Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
