I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
