Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
