the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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