bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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