i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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