the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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