i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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