i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize