have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize