May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
