the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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