Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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