Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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