i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
