we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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