I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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