I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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