He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
