so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
