I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
