The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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