"it" just moved
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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