I accidentally had phone sex last night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
