Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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