it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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