false alarm. still invincible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
