Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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