Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
