Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
