I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
