I wish i was in the wii world.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize