I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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