he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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