this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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