Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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