You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
