I've blown a few things in my day
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
