Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
