On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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