you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
