i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
