and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
