He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
