remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
