Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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