I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize