Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
