Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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