never play flip cup with pint glasses
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
