it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As shirtless as possible
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
