If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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