your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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