I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
