My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
