I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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