in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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