worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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