he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
