Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you never un-have a 4some
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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