Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
