how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
