Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I smell stomach acid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
