Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
