We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
