I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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