also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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