i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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