im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
