We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
