What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
