Please, let me fuck your mom
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
