Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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